Nearing the end.

Mom has been asleep for the most part of the last 24 hours. She doesn't even wake up for medicine now, but we continue to administer it as the hospice nurse instructed. Our dear nurse, Leslie, told us earlier today that mom is very near to what they term "actively dying." Her breathing patterns have changed and her heart rate is very high. Leslie can tell what a fighter mom is and cannot predict exactly when mom will finish her battle here on earth, but she does think it will be soon.

We appreciate so much Leslie's care of mom and on a personal note, I am so grateful that she has been able to feel mom's spirit and spunk. In Leslie's line of work she sees many people move on from this life and she has shared that she knows there are angels among us. Both for mom and for the family and friends. I hope that as all of you have followed this journey that you have felt the comfort that we have. Pray for a peaceful release.
Val

Tender Moments

I do apologize for waiting so long in between this post and the last. The truth is that we are doing the best we can to make mom comfortable and it seems to be getting harder and harder to do that. She is very weak and mostly confused now. We do see glimpses of the strong and couragous mother that we know, but those moments are becoming few and far between.

We had a tender moment with mom and the four of us kids yesterday. We were all together for a few hours after Jenn arrived again and before Becky went home for some rest. We know she loves us and we love her so much. Thank you for your continued prayers of comfort and peace. They are working!

A spank.

It is hard to believe it is already Wednesday. Joel and Kristan stayed Sunday and Monday night with mom. I showed up yesterday mid-day to help out and mom had been refusing her medications. The whole situation was a little bit ironic to be honest. I refused to swallow pills as a teenager and still to this day I do not like anyone watching me get one down. So I am sitting there encouraging mom to take her pills so that she won't be constipated and she won't experience pain. She keeps telling me she can't do it (talk about coming full circle) and I am telling her that she can and should. So she says, "Val, if you don't stop I am going to spank you." I gave up after that. Still afraid of mom after all of these years!

The hospice nurse encouraged her and she has been better the last 24 hours about taking what she needs. She woke up this morning wanting a shower which she hasn't wanted in a couple days. She is also sleeping more and I believe more deeply. Today she had a 2 1/2 hour nap. The hospice chaplain came by today and asked if mom had been talking to anyone that we couldn't see. I told him no, but she did ask who's baby was on the floor (in a completely empty area) ...NOT MINE!

I feel like we are in a holding pattern right now. She has said that she doesn't want visitors anymore, but she is still taking a few bites of food everyday and drinking a little Boost and water. More often than not I feel like she is somewhere else. I wish she would speak up a little more and tell us what she is seeing. I truly believe that we are being comforted through all of the prayers for mom and our family. We continue to be blessed. Thank you.

Sleeping.

Mom slept most of the day today. She isn't bleeding anymore which is such a blessing. She is very confused and somewhat unresponsive when she is awake. John brings up a good point. Even though she is confused, she is still smiling. She doesn't appear to be angry or upset about her lot in life at this time. When we tell her we love her she always gives a beautiful smile and returns the affection. We can tell how powerful love is in her life.

Oxygen.

Mom continues to inspire us with her courage even during her final days. She is grateful and maintains a sense of humor through it all. She received oxygen yesterday because her levels have been low. She does get a little anxious at times, asking people where they are going and when they will be back. She reads her mail and sits at the computer for a few minutes each day. It is a very slow process trying to write back. She also is enjoying a few movies each day.

She slept really well last night. I think it is because the gums aren't bleeding like they were! I was at the house for about three hours today and I didn't see her wipe any blood the entire time. That was so great!

She has a sister and a sister-in-law staying with her tonight. She continues to receive so much support. Thank you. Thank you.
Val

Hope for Comfort.

The appointment with Dr. Haslem today was a confirmation of things that we think we already knew, but it was still important to hear it from him. His blood tests confirmed DIC...which basically means that her blood won't clot because the cells are battling each other and it is a side effect of the cancer. There isn't anything that can be done to stop the bleeding.

With those results he did tell her that there isn't anything else he can do for her. He told her not to give up hope. At this point we hope for comfort. I liked the way he put that. With what little time she does have left he recommended staying comfortable and spending time with those she loves. We have also adjusted her pain meds so that we will just use the patches and morphine.

We will go back on hospice now and hopefully have someone staying with her through the night. The family that has been here has been incredible, but it is time to call in the professionals! I continue to read her cards, email and facebook messages to her and she has tried to respond when she has the energy...she is thinking of each of you and is so grateful for the love. I did notice that she has tried to tell people to read the blog for the latest info. She may be lacking the ability to respond to everyone and feels overwhelmed and frustrated at times.

We are doing our best to make mom feel comfortable and loved. We apologize when we have to turn away visitors or phone calls, but please know that we are grateful for all of you.

Enduring.

Not a lot has changed over the course of the last few days. Mom continues to rest and has been working her mind with Sudoku and a few visitors. She got out to walmart yesterday with Brian and picked up some thank you cards that she wanted to write. Always thinking of others. We continue to be humbled by the cards in the mail, flowers in the house, and food that is given. We are truly blessed to have such giving people in our midst. Thank you, thank you.

Today is Friday!

We have all been fascinated lately by mom's inability to keep track of her days. On Wednesday she told us about four times that the next day was Sunday. Her concept of when things have happened or will happen is not quite right. We think lack of sleep and a lot of medication is impairing her abilities.

Two of Brian's daughters and mom's best friend from New Mexico are staying with mom now. They will leave in the next day or two and Jenn will return tomorrow. We are grateful for the quick visits and food that has been given.

On a Roller-Coaster Ride!

Mom received a telephone call yesterday morning from a special friend encouraging her to seek out more advice on her case. We rallied quickly and were "squeezed in" to a Doctor Haslem who specializes in hematology (blood). He explained that her numbers were somewhat strange. For someone who is bleeding so much for so long, her numbers weren't matching. He ordered some blood tests that we should hear the results from in just over a week.

We had to cancel hospice on the way into that appointment, but we are able to keep the equipment through home health care with the same company. It is a blessing that everything has continued to work out for mom. We are trying to do what she wants. She is an obedient daughter of God who is receiving answers to her prayers.

She is at the hospital today receiving another transfusion. She should return home late this afternoon. We continue to hear from so many loved ones and appreciate so much your offers of service. Mom just tells people to pray for her. We are trying to read her emails and facebook messages to her or you may continue to call my cell: 435-668-4395
Thanks, Val

Special Time

Hi All - Jenni here. Val asked me to update the blog tonight. We've had a few days with ups and downs but Mom is so strong and continues to inspire all of us with her courage.

She arrived home from the hospital on Friday around noon and had a decent night although sleep is very difficult for her because the bleeding just will not stop. Saturday she had what she described as a "great day" - she felt pretty good despite the continued bleeding, we were able to manage her pain with consistent medication and she spent the day with a few visits and some good movies.

One of the visits was from some of the first grade moms and teachers who delivered a BEAUTIFUL QUILT with colorful fabric, handprints from all the first graders and a neat poem. Mom LOVED it!!!

Last night however, was a very difficult one and she got very little sleep and the bleeding still continues. Today has been a continuation of nausea, vomiting, a fever and lots more bleeding. Due to a lack of sleep and perhaps a lack of oxygen to the brain, Mom has been keeping us somewhat entertained with random comments here and there. We had a hospice nurse come in this morning to check her vitals and to help us monitor her - Gina (the nurse) was very helpful in talking us through what is to come.

While, as a family, we are aware that these are our final days with Mom, we all recognize what a special gift time really is.

Many thanks to all who continue to fast and pray for Mom. She has requested that we pray for her bleeding to stop so that she can receive desperately needed rest.

We know that so many love Mom and would like to express that love to her. We are hoping to give Mom the time that she needs to rest so please call ahead before stopping by. Val's contact info is listed below. Thank you!

If I had a crystal ball...

We have had a long two and a half days at the hospital and unfortunately the news isn't good. I will try and let you know what I know, but without a crystal ball we really can't predict the future. Mom just came home from being pumped at the hospital with platelets and blood and all the good pain killers. Her gums have yet to stop bleeding and we hear from the doctor that her blood just won't clot anymore. It may be a side effect of her liver shutting down from the cancer taking over. It was decided that she wouldn't seek more treatment because her body just can't handle anymore.

The doctor said that mom possibly has a month left to live. The news is tough, but at this point we believe that relief from pain would be a great gift.

We had a family meeting last night with mom, Brian, and the four of us kids. It was a tender time and I just want you all to know how proud I am of mom. She is scared of what the next small amount of time may bring, but definitely has a testimony that her Heavenly Father loves her and is aware of her.

We have called upon hospice to help out now. They already have a bed and a few other items set up at home. We will figure out a schedule for the nurses to come in and administer pain meds.

We realize that many want to call or visit and we would love for you to be able to visit with mom. But we want to be respectful of giving her some down time as well so we are asking that you call or visit between 9-12 and 3-8. Please don't hesitate to call me if you want to know ahead of time if it is a good time to come visit: 435-668-4395.

I will continue to update more regularly and am so grateful for everyone's concern and love for mom.
Val

2 AM Phone Call

Don't you just love those? Mom's gums were bleeding all day yesterday and just wouldn't stop so G.G. (grandma) took her to the ER at about midnight. I got a call about 2 to let me know what was going on. They admitted mom to the hospital where she is scheduled to remain until tomorrow. She received two bags of platelets and two units of blood earlier in the day and when I talked to her this evening she was in the process of receiving more platelets. It was a long day and mom didn't get a whole lot of rest. Hopefully tonight will be a peaceful one for her.

The Dr. said there is one more chemo drug to try, but that mom also has the option of saying that she has had enough. Jenni and Becky will come to town tomorrow so we can make some decisions as a family. It is a challenging time, but we know that the Lord is aware of us and that the Holy Ghost is comforting us through it.

Please pray for mom to have a clear mind as she makes some tough decisions. We really appreciate all of the wonderful notes, flowers, and thoughts of love and support. Please know that we love you.
Val